Just Send Me to the Nursing Home Already

I'm a loser. I lose things. Everything. If it's been in my hands at one point, I've put it down somewhere and will not remember where on earth I put it. I have a lot of those special spots where I know with a certainty that I will remember the spot. (That's the craziest thing that I fall for over and over again.) Or I put it somewhere that I would think to look when I think I've misplaced whatever it is. I have the ever-so-coveted 'losing touch'- everything I touch wanders off! My phone is often misplaced as it changes locations frequently. This is a problem when it's on vibrate. Luckily Dana will call it a billion times until we feel our butts vibrating on the couch cousins. Keys are always going missing. I developed a trick when I began driving- it involves a long very bright lanyard that can hardly be missed anywhere. However, this summer as multiple people have entrusted me with keys to their homes, I have had to be neurotic about putting them all back in the same spot. I am hesitant to put them all on the beacon lanyard for fear I will lose them ALL. Putting them in the front purse pocket doesn't always happen, and I have been late to work and had to clean up dog messes and was very nearly pulled over because of all the time it took to find the stinking keys. Purses are usually bigger, but in a messy room, a large brightly colored bulge is actually very well camouflaged. Pencils and pens I buy in bulk. It's not worth chasing after those guys. Cash just permanently disappears, it's the oddest thing...My planner disappears and all heck breaks loose, an absent minded woman with no reminders? Disaster. All important things generally have a knack of getting lost- passwords, codes, checks, library books, ipod, sunglasses, hair ties, bobby pins, jewelry, pants...

Friends and family have expressed significant worry over this dilemma. Finding the parked car on a busy saturday can be nothing short of a day-ruiner if you don't have a clue which of the 5 lots you picked. Imagine me having children! Little Johnny...now where did I last see him...?

Addendum: I forgot to include what I lose most- myself. I add this the day after the post because of an incident involving the doctor's office...after wandering around the wrong building and up and down the street, I ran through the parking lot to suite 200 (which didn't exist in building #1, first clue), I showed up winded and sweaty to sign in. The secretary was so nice telling me it was ok I was so late (I apologized and was obviously frazzled) and she informed nurse Amy her 11 o'clock was here. Miss Uptight Amy says, "Oh. You failed. You'll have to reschedule." You can FAIL an appointment?!  Grrrrrrr. Losing myself has frustrating consequences.